I’m back… sort of. I’m never really back anymore, I’m always so busy.

I really miss blogging though. I’ve been in a bit of a writing kick lately, mostly college essays, I’m almost done applying! Wooo!

 I have really bad grammar. It makes me self conscious. I’m wondering if my ability to efficiently put down thoughts is thwarted by my insecurities with basic mechanics. It wouldn’t surprise me. I’ll figure it out eventually. I don’t really have much to say other than that. I found my old blog this morning. I thought that perhaps I’ll quote one of my best posts ever.

Yep.
 It has happened again. I am in love. But this time, it’s different. I mean I guess you could say that every time you fall in love, it’s different, but this time it really is. It almost feels like something I’ve never felt before, or I have, but just been scared to do it again. Almost like looking over the edge of a Ferris Wheel. Something I haven’t done in years. Maybe back when I was really little. When 
I liked looking at the world from high places. I was so little, I guess that I never knew anything other than scrapes and bruises and being little. Being big and on top of the world on a slow moving circle thing was cool, I guess. But lately that feeling has scared me and now I’m even more scared than ever.

I’ve been looking at the world from higher up. Metaphorically, of course, you all know me (I hope). And well when I looked down on the world, I made so many mistakes. I made a fool of myself rumors have been made up about me lies twisted around one, or two depending on how you look at it, thing I did. You probably know what I’m talking about, if not. GET WITH THE PROGRAM, PEOPLE. I mean I made an IDIOT of myself but then the next day, I see that my friends were all still there for me. And loved me. And tried to understand me, or if they didn’t understand they would just smile and nod and pretend they do. 
Oh god. I’m crying now. 


I was going to write a whole thing for each and every individual person and waste like a whole lot of time out of my life to tell you guys the same thing in different wordings over 6o times but why can’t I just say it all right now. Thank you. Thank you, all. For all those good times and bad times and the weird stuff in between. Middle School has been crazy and I may not have gotten much taller but I grew SO much. We all did. Elementary school, walking out of Northside and coming into Greenhills I felt like a 1st grader all over again. I felt like I didn’t know anything. I felt stupid and naive and like a loser etc. But then you all were exactly the same. Again, different variations of the same thing. I could just be like ILYILYILYILYILYILY!! over and over, or list our many inside jokes but it would take the whole summer to do all that. I have things to do.

Wow. 
Ok I have been through so much. My first everything. I said I was really naive before I came here. I still am. I know I am no where near grown up. I don’t think I’ll ever grow up. I don’t really want to. But anyways, I guess that I am very happy we are done with yet another chapter of our lives. I have moved on. New friends, old friends, new loves, former loves, new teachers, new inside jokes, new classes, new lockers. New everything. I’m so scared. I really shouldn’t be. It didn’t quite sink in until about twenty minutes ago. Your probably sitting there thinking this loser sounds so confused. But really I guess that since I burned my journal the other day I have no where to barf my thoughts. This is it. 


I’m thinking that all this came from me realizing that I am in love for all the right reasons. Unlike last time. This time I’m in it for the adventure to try new things, to realize you’re not the only Tigger in the world. To sit in a Ferris Wheel and think you’ll roll away. The thought that you could very possibly die isn’t such a bad thing to laugh about every once in a while. If your with the people you love doing something fun… Why not? Be going up a hill whimpering with your best friend because you don’t know what’s waiting for you on the other side, but you have an idea of it was. Going down hill screaming “I LOVE YOU!” and meaning it.

I didn’t fall in love with anyone per say, more that I fell in love with life. I guess I just want to be happy. Someone does make me happy. He doesn’t know it quite yet I doubt he ever will, but that’s okay. I’ll just go on enjoying life and you know what caused this?. One spontaneous conversation with someone I hardly know. Not-so-scary-movies with your best friend. and one very amazing song. Yea. This is probably my longest and probably I have made so many typos. Although I might spell check. Not sure. Yes I will spell check I will just leave you with my life changing lyrics…

~~~



I think that 8th grade me must have been kind of smart. I love how in the last paragraph, I once again worry about my grammar. I mean the grammar is pretty bad, but that’s not really the point of what I was trying to say.

It’s pretty cosmic that I found it after all these years. I love how cheesy I was, in a very true sort of way, I also love how I reflected on Middle School and how fast it all went by. Pretty soon, I’ll be reflecting on High School. It will probably be the exact same as this, though.

I’m now off to art class.

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