I need to write a six page paper about myself. It’s a personal narrative. I’m supposed to discuss how all my various identities intersect to create who I am as a whole. So far, I have discussed my love for cheesy young men and my hair. I knew I loved cheesy men when I was itty bitty, specifically when Atlantis came out. Oh Milo.

My hair is obvious. I talked a little bit about how people assume I’m eccentric by the way I do my hair. I mean, it’s a little bit true but I’m also just lazy. I talked a little bit about ethnicity, half black and all. I also talked about how I don’t like labels. Hopefully I can fill up six pages just by rambling about myself.

Also, I went to Disney World last weekend. More about that later!

Love,
Absentee blogger

I’m sitting in the library, listening to the librarians organize the reference trays. I suppose some middle school class has a new research project coming up. I actually really regret not taking better advantage of middle school. I feel so dumb sometimes because I never really paid much attention or tried on papers. Anyways, they’re organizing what goes where based on whether it has a sad pluto sticky note on it, or if it has a happy pluto sticky note on it. I guess I’d be pretty sad too to get returned to a shelf. Or maybe the happy sticky note Plutos go back on the shelves, maybe they’re happy to be returned to their Dewey Decimal System pals.

I’m back… sort of. I’m never really back anymore, I’m always so busy.

I really miss blogging though. I’ve been in a bit of a writing kick lately, mostly college essays, I’m almost done applying! Wooo!

 I have really bad grammar. It makes me self conscious. I’m wondering if my ability to efficiently put down thoughts is thwarted by my insecurities with basic mechanics. It wouldn’t surprise me. I’ll figure it out eventually. I don’t really have much to say other than that. I found my old blog this morning. I thought that perhaps I’ll quote one of my best posts ever.

Yep.
 It has happened again. I am in love. But this time, it’s different. I mean I guess you could say that every time you fall in love, it’s different, but this time it really is. It almost feels like something I’ve never felt before, or I have, but just been scared to do it again. Almost like looking over the edge of a Ferris Wheel. Something I haven’t done in years. Maybe back when I was really little. When 
I liked looking at the world from high places. I was so little, I guess that I never knew anything other than scrapes and bruises and being little. Being big and on top of the world on a slow moving circle thing was cool, I guess. But lately that feeling has scared me and now I’m even more scared than ever.

I’ve been looking at the world from higher up. Metaphorically, of course, you all know me (I hope). And well when I looked down on the world, I made so many mistakes. I made a fool of myself rumors have been made up about me lies twisted around one, or two depending on how you look at it, thing I did. You probably know what I’m talking about, if not. GET WITH THE PROGRAM, PEOPLE. I mean I made an IDIOT of myself but then the next day, I see that my friends were all still there for me. And loved me. And tried to understand me, or if they didn’t understand they would just smile and nod and pretend they do. 
Oh god. I’m crying now. 


I was going to write a whole thing for each and every individual person and waste like a whole lot of time out of my life to tell you guys the same thing in different wordings over 6o times but why can’t I just say it all right now. Thank you. Thank you, all. For all those good times and bad times and the weird stuff in between. Middle School has been crazy and I may not have gotten much taller but I grew SO much. We all did. Elementary school, walking out of Northside and coming into Greenhills I felt like a 1st grader all over again. I felt like I didn’t know anything. I felt stupid and naive and like a loser etc. But then you all were exactly the same. Again, different variations of the same thing. I could just be like ILYILYILYILYILYILY!! over and over, or list our many inside jokes but it would take the whole summer to do all that. I have things to do.

Wow. 
Ok I have been through so much. My first everything. I said I was really naive before I came here. I still am. I know I am no where near grown up. I don’t think I’ll ever grow up. I don’t really want to. But anyways, I guess that I am very happy we are done with yet another chapter of our lives. I have moved on. New friends, old friends, new loves, former loves, new teachers, new inside jokes, new classes, new lockers. New everything. I’m so scared. I really shouldn’t be. It didn’t quite sink in until about twenty minutes ago. Your probably sitting there thinking this loser sounds so confused. But really I guess that since I burned my journal the other day I have no where to barf my thoughts. This is it. 


I’m thinking that all this came from me realizing that I am in love for all the right reasons. Unlike last time. This time I’m in it for the adventure to try new things, to realize you’re not the only Tigger in the world. To sit in a Ferris Wheel and think you’ll roll away. The thought that you could very possibly die isn’t such a bad thing to laugh about every once in a while. If your with the people you love doing something fun… Why not? Be going up a hill whimpering with your best friend because you don’t know what’s waiting for you on the other side, but you have an idea of it was. Going down hill screaming “I LOVE YOU!” and meaning it.

I didn’t fall in love with anyone per say, more that I fell in love with life. I guess I just want to be happy. Someone does make me happy. He doesn’t know it quite yet I doubt he ever will, but that’s okay. I’ll just go on enjoying life and you know what caused this?. One spontaneous conversation with someone I hardly know. Not-so-scary-movies with your best friend. and one very amazing song. Yea. This is probably my longest and probably I have made so many typos. Although I might spell check. Not sure. Yes I will spell check I will just leave you with my life changing lyrics…

~~~



I think that 8th grade me must have been kind of smart. I love how in the last paragraph, I once again worry about my grammar. I mean the grammar is pretty bad, but that’s not really the point of what I was trying to say.

It’s pretty cosmic that I found it after all these years. I love how cheesy I was, in a very true sort of way, I also love how I reflected on Middle School and how fast it all went by. Pretty soon, I’ll be reflecting on High School. It will probably be the exact same as this, though.

I’m now off to art class.

I was super-duper overwhelmed. I had a ton to do for school and outside of school. Even art class felt like a burden. Instead of running around like a chicken with it’s head chopped off, crying and screaming at anyone who interrupts my freak-out moment. I took a deep breath, made a list, and did as much as I could off of the list. The next day, I took the rest of the list by storm, and even took care of that day… which is… today. Basically, I was proactive for once.

It was a big moment.

Sooooo… I decided to make some progress seeing as I have nothing else really to blog about, except for the fact that I still desperately need to clean my room.

I didn’t add much but I did do something.

Here is the color swatch thus far.

As you can see there is a lovely new maroon colored added (which will eventually be blended) for her hair bow.

And i case you all forgot what it was in the beginning, here is the photo I’m going from.

Have a nice sunday, I am off to work on my messy little room.

It is safe to say that school is in full tilt now. The first week has ended, and I have discovered a few things.

1. There will be many tears this year, and for once that’s normal.
2. English classes that are disguised as acting classes are godsend.
3. Dune by Frank Herbert is also godsend.
4. I need to be more responsible. Apparently this is a good way to do so.

While this may seem a bit odd and a little over dramatic, I feel like the only way to be successful this year is to avoid as much social stimulation as possible. If I do partake, frustration, distraction, constipation, etc. will ensue. Of course field hockey doesn’t count. I am slowly learning the art of the sack lunch in spite of the new decent lunch program at school. I also learned that a free period is a very useful tool for getting stuff done. As is lunch.

Seeing as I am now a self-proclaimed pseudo-recluse, I have no complaints or concerns about my peers. Seeing as I am also not allowed to complain about the college admissions process/my feelings towards education, I don’t have anything of that sort to discuss. I fear that I have nothing really all that interesting to say.

Perhaps I could talk at length about the immense amount of pleasure I get from crossing things out in my planner and calculating how many hours I need to work to achieve what goals. I could talk about how I learned to like running and general personal fitness (which is odd considering I’ve worked at a gym for a year now.) I could write about how I think I should make an ebay account selling some of my clothes that I never wear that are still rather nice.

I feel as though I have turned into a subdued, quieter, and more boring version of myself this week, and I am surprisingly content with this fact. While it’s sometimes fun being at the center of a spat of drama or getting lazy with school work, it can get stressful when reality comes around to remind you where you are, I feel like just being smart and organized is my best bet for maintaining what’s left of my sanity for the next one hundred or so days.